Large shelter blog

Gear Review: Emergency Shelters

Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Pop this orange beauty into your pack and you will be assured of surviving some serious inclement weather.

All it requires is several padded derriers to sit on the edge of the canvass and hold it in place, and,ÒVoila", you have a five-second makeshift shelter that can save your entire group from certain death.

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Designed to protect you from exposure, this shelter also shields you from reality (i.e. the big bear coming your way).

The entire system is bright orange, to attract attention from miles away (specifically designed for all those extroverts and supercilious poseurs among us, who want to let everyone know that they have the coolest mountain shelter around). The bright orange also helps potential rescuers find you, as well as, the guy who went out for a quick pee and got lost in the woods. An added bonus is that it also protects your group from hunters, who might mistake your latest skunk hairdo or hairy back for the pelage of some wild beast.
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Two reflective stripes make it look strangely similar to road reflectors or a runway, making it hazardous to use along any state highway. It does look cool in the dark though.

In addition, to protecting you against rain, wind, cold and small hail stones, it can also be used as a makeshift hammock, a skin for your coracle boat, a shower curtain, an embalming cloth for mummies, or a really happening head scarf. It can also be used as a net to trap large grizzlies or the group of hot girls in the next camp.

There are a few other warnings and contra-indications; this shelter cannot protect against being lit on fire, avalanches, landslides, mudslides, falling trees, or hail heavier than one kilogram.
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I can definitely recommend this equipment for partial management of hiking hazards (and it's easy to throw into a pack). Although this shelter helps prevent hypothermia, it does nothing for a frigid girlfriend, especially if she doesn't like camping in the first place.

By Gary Lyon

Categories: Gear